Posts Tagged ‘Customer Service’


19 July 2017



Doing the miles this week.

It all started on Sunday when we had to vacate our gite in Southern France to return to England for a night so that we could repack and head to Amsterdam the next day.  This mammoth trip involved 12 hours on the road using rental car, taxis (2), trains (2) and the underground in Paris.  Like some military exercise, we knew how many minutes we had between rides and thus the pace was picked up when necessary and with much gesticulating, the 5 of us agreed long enough on which direction was probably the best to head to catch our next mode of transport.  We made it though.

The next day involved a simple drive to the London City airport on the banks of the Thames.  Due to traffic snarl-ups, we ended up driving on and off a car ferry that went from one side to the other and almost at the airport.  By this time we just wanted a sit down but and hour later, we were able to check our voluminous bags and head upstairs for the usual immigration and security regimes. It appears the Brits are more than a little gun shy currently, both V and I had our bags emptied, items of clothing removed and rescanned and rescanned. I had to remove my belt and shoes and place them in to a plastic bin held by a bombing suspect family member.  As I did, he moved the bin and a shoe fell out.  So I picked it up and as I went to hurl it in he moved it again.  Luckily my shooting was better than his catching. He then looked up at me (he was also vertically challenged from the weight of his bomber jacket I suspect) and asked if I was alright.  I acted all grown up and told him it was but wanted to tell him that he would never make my football team as goalie or did he need a hand to hold the tray? Allah my arse.

Amsterdam also gave us a wait at both ends.  The KLM ground staff need to take a clog up their arses. Over an hour to check in and over an hour to produce our bags at the other end.  This meant our taxi driver had to wait around also but he charged us so he was at least placated.  Even tying a tie for him for his next job didn’t seem to help.

V and I are about museum’d out after today.  We hit the Rijksmuseum at 9.30, the Heineken museum and tasting at 12, the market at about 2, the diamond museum 3,30 then the Van Gogh museum at 4.30.  Probably a record but we are so smart and so enlightened as a result of it.  Very much enjoyed learning about Vermeer (Girl with the Pearl Earring etc) and Rembrandt. Seeing these paintings that are so old and famous sent shivers down my spine.  Just about got the hang of avoiding being collected by cyclists and scooter pilots.  Not only do the trams that run up the middle of the road have the right of way, if you stray on to the clearly demarcated bike lanes, you will be lined up and bowled by these two wheeled projectiles….and they ride on the wrong side of the road so come at you when you are right-left-righting when you should be left-right-lefting!

There is the smell of dope everywhere and dope products for sale next to the souvenir t-shirts and clogs in the numerous shops including some in a museumwinkel we went into today,  Pot flavoured chupa chups for god’s sake.

Going to see how to make clogs today.  With the management structure at work skewed towards those that chew tulips, I feel it will be a good career move to learn such skills or at least purchase some.  Take care,

V and Me (Hans)


June 2017



I will always give you an opportunity to placate me, especially when you have displeased me so.


As we commence the pre packing planning and procrastinating that is mandatory when preparing to travel, I am reminded of a situation that was never resolved to my liking and thus helped us to decide not to travel with Emirates airline this time and any time in the near future. We had been told how fantastic they were and there were new planes and shiny knobs and buttons to amuse us, comfy chairs to lounge about in and hot and cold running hostesses to attend to our every want.  Based on that, we booked with them to take us to Great Britain and back including a 3 day stopover in Dubai to drink in the ambience.


And that is when it all turned to shit.


The issues:

We were late taking off and therefore late landing in Sydney, missing our ‘slot’, where we changed planes. Waiting in a line to reboard for over an hour, not able to sit just made us later and us more tired.  Never mind, we had a long-ish stopover in Bangkok which we were both looking forward to even if it was only in an airport.


As we approached Bangkok airport, by now most annoyed at the gaps between the seat in front and mine. My knees were now being skinned by the back of the seat of the fully reclined passenger in front of us. We were so close to the runway, you could see the ground crew ready to service our shiny new plane, we suddenly powered up and headed for the sky again so as to miss a small plane on the ground crossing our path.  The flight had been a good one but we were still running late….apparently.  We were instructed to stay put, awaiting further instructions like we were waiting in the school hall about to be released to our classes. Not allowed to use the toilets even to empty the contents of our pants after that close call on approach.

But no. the plane was refuelled, restocked  and cleaned around us as we stood in the aisle and little people swept and brushed our seats and emptied the seat pockets with our stuff they deemed rubbish. Only to pile it on to the waiting elephants they rode to the plane on. (We couldn’t actually see the elephants but we knew they were out there). Pity we didn’t see this as my book I was reading may have stayed in the pocket for me to continue to enjoy. But we were making up time apparently.


A lovely flight ensued to Dubai where we landed at the airport we were looking forward to spending a couple of hours shit, shaving and shampooing and to buy some duty free for our hosts whom had told us were very thirsty! As we entered the terminal having been shuttled from the plane, we heard our flight being called to move immediately to gate… far as fucking away as it could be.  So now fully x-rayed, the loo beckoned and right now was how my bladder explained it.  So running was in and shopping etc was out.  Arriving at the gate sweating but now bladder issues dealt with we then had to sit for an hour before we could board.  But on the bright side, we had caught up all the time we had lost on the first legs of our journey.


An uneventful flight to London saw us arrive at the terminal eagerly wanting to start our holiday. Let’s go!  As we approached the baggage collection area with its carousel that tempts me to ride every time, we heard our names called out and to immediately proceed to the information counter to the side of the room.  As great as it was that our journey had caught up the lost time, our baggage hadn’t and was now having a wee break in Dubai …without us!  Never mind we were here and the suitcases would be delivered to the apartment tomorrow.  Oh well, never mind.


I had now been in the same clothes especially undies and socks for over 24 hours by now so a quick trip to M&S in the morning saw us topped up with essential attire components. We both changed in the stores changing rooms and stowed our dirty, and I mean dirty stuff into the shopping bags.  My testicles were as happy as they could be, cupped gently in brand new slightly knapped cotton undies and my feet were equally happy with their new mates.


Several phone calls and days passed before we were reunited with our wayward luggage with Emirates fobbing us off because they contract such services to a man in a white van type operation. It was their problem.


The homeward journey the reverse direction and stops with the break in Dubai to get closer to our desert selves. Arriving early in the morning, our pre-ordered chauffeur was there to meet and transport us.  Things were looking up.


Arriving at 5.30 in the morning to catch our ride home, we were advised that the flight had been cancelled even though the day before we had confirmed and chosen our seats. Left for over 2 hours whilst they sorted things out which is Arabic for I’ll forget you two and get on with more important stuff like keeping my uniform curtains that are attached to my hat out of my eyes.  We were eventually allowed to fly on the last 2 seats available to Christchurch…. One of us at the front of the plane and one down the back.  A little bit of ‘outside voice’ came out and suddenly we were sitting beside each other at the very back of the plane.  I also had to be convinced that a connecting flight to Auckland to be reunited with our car had been organised.  The look in her eyes, hiding behind her curtain told me otherwise however.


The whole journey to Christchurch had queues up the isles beside us with people wanting to deal with their own ablution issues and talk loudly. When I checked why they weren’t using the toilets in the middle of the plane, I found them to be full of blankets, pillows and assorted flight paraphernalia.  I know them to be full as when I tried to peek in, a whole lot fell out into the isle. Which is where I left them.


Once we had renegotiated a flight back to Auckland from Christchurch as I knew was going to be the case we praised the Lord that we were now on an airline that knows about customer service. Air New Zealand delivered on all its promises and got us back to Auckland on time …including our somewhat independent luggage.


After weeks and weeks of our travel agent failing to be able to make contact with the airlines’ representative in NZ, I took over and finally after another few weeks made the connection to a woman claiming to be the New Zealand managerwhom was prepared to listen to my concerns.


‘What is your problem? We got you there and back safely, our job was done’. She calmly brushed me aside.  I did manage to wangle a top up of airpoints that made our total enough to redeem for a return trip to Australia.  This small token hardly made it right in our eyes and why did I need to have to ask for some recompense?


And your chance to win me back Mrs Emirates was not taken by you and therefore why my business with you will be only by necessity, not choice. Did you want a second chance?